Everyone Told Me
They all said it. “This is the best age”. The question is, for me or for June? I’m 41 and she’s 6 months. Is it possible that we are meeting at the precise moment in time that the best ages are happening? I think so!! Wow! If you tried to make this happen it never would work out. And yet, here we are living it together.
I’ve had several women tell me that their forties were their best years. They felt strong and smart and had it all pretty much figured out. Now that I’m a solid year and half into that decade I can say I feel the same. I’m strong and I’m smart and most days I feel like I know what I’m doing. Even when I don’t know what I’m doing, I feel like I have the go-to resources or the humility to ask for help. And truthfully, with a newborn there are quite a few days that fit into one of those two categories.
All Of Me
I’ve said this a lot over the past six months. I’m so glad to have June in my life now vs. earlier. If she had entered earlier I think she would have had most of me. But now, at this time in my life, she has all of me. It’s just awe inspiring, this entrance that she has made. Of course I went through the nine months of changes and feeling her grow, without knowing she was a she (we stay in the dark about gender during gestation). Then out she came. So beautiful, fresh and alert.
About 72 Hours of Peace
We got about three days of tranquility with her. We could just gaze at her and marvel at the joy of creation.
Then she realized that her nervous was not developed! Oh my! Enter the witching hour. From about 4-6pm she was a piece of work. We would laugh at her “violent nursing”. Little June on the breast like Mick Jagger on a Mic. Give me shelter! And how could you blame her really? The lights! The sounds! The dachshund!
When we hit the three month mark, I gave June a big hug and told her “we made it!”. Of course, it’s all moving so fast. But let’s just pause at this six month mark and relish in the joy of having a fresh faced little life in our life. Everything is so new. I love that! I do pause each day, multiple times and pay attention to that fact on behalf of June. I love new things! Don’t you? New music. New clothes. New cities. New people. That is her entire reality each and every day right now. At six months she is aware of this. She loves it to. June has a deep penetrating gaze. She has had it since the beginning. I mean check this out:
She is just soaking it all up. I love that about her. She is very present with all types of sensations. It has been said that seems like she can look right into your soul. And maybe she thinks she can. (I tell her not to look so deeply at people in the elevator. But, whatever.) When a six month old child looks at you deeply, it makes you feel very present. It is the definition of engaging. Truly, we all need some engagement throughout the day. Her little eyes are the antithesis of your phone. They shine brighter and grab your attention in a more raw and real way. Those big brown eyes are the touch screen that screams for us to engage.
She does the most engaging things now. Of course, she’s figured out her hands. So they stroke, pinch, poke and prod. Reaching out for people is a milestone of this age. Caleb felt like the first three months didn’t pay any dividends and now the checks are being signed by June. Laughter and smiles are the on the menu every day.
A Major Life Lesson
After nine year of marriage, I convinced Caleb to have a child. I was approaching forty and knew that if we were going to act, we had to act soon. That ship was getting ready to sail and I didn’t want to be left standing on the shore with a pail full of regret.
Having been around many families with children, I had seen that special bond of union between children and parents. I told Caleb that our capacity to love hadn’t been reached. It seemed like we had room in our life and we would enjoy exploring our abilities to love more, together. We thought and prayed about this big decision and needless to say, we took the plunge.
Now that we have a child, I’m amazed everyday that our capacity to love is not what I thought it was. I thought that I would have her and I would feel full; complete. But, to my deep astonishment, I now know that this new love in our life is expansive. There isn’t a “fill line” or even a lid to this love. I’m more than full – in my creative eye, I have beams of love emanating out of me! It’s like June opened up a quantum physics book into our souls. And the beauty of it all is that we have only just begun.